Male.  235 words. Roger: “Bringing the Hurt.” From Charades.

By Paul Pasulka

Well, thank you, Ma’am, for taking the time to notice. I am indeed a self-starter. But back to the point - we must defend America - all around the effing hating world. Hate us, and we will hurt you. In fact, even if you don’t hate us, we will hurt you, just in case you decide to hate us someday. Pre-emptive hurt. That’s how you stay strong and secure in this world. And keep from hurting anyone who shouldn’t be hurt. Cause you definitely don’t want to do that. I will not do that. I must inform you right here and now that I will resist hurting anyone undeserving of hurt.

But we do have God’s own blessed United States alone, in the midst of these ravenous wolves. And wasn’t it a good thing that we took their food - and oil. Prescient, really. Because one can only imagine how ravenous they would be if they were well-fed and oiled? And us with nothing to defend ourselves with - I mean, if you don’t count weapons of mass destruction.

Well, not for long, my friend. No, sir, Ma’am. I am on the way, and I am bringing enough hurt to go around. No. I’m pretty sure that’s where the third world war will start. If I have anything to say about it, it will. (He growls.) And I will definitely be armed to the teeth. But judiciously so.