Male 25-40. 384 words. Telephone monologue. Daddy: “Mommy’s Back.”

By Paul Pasulka

No, Rachel, this is not about us. It is about you… Yes, you. You have got to watch yourself when Bobby’s with you…. For heaven’s sake, he’s only four…. Yes…. Yes…. No, I will not calm down! This is serious…! No. What I will do is take you back to court... Joint custody? You have got to be kidding. I will reopen the visitation agreement…. Require your visits to be supervised….Oh, don’t test me….  No. NO. It IS a big deal. I mean you should have been there - … Yes I know you took him to his last appointment…. Alright. Last three…. Well, yes. I do agree. He is talking much more…  But listen… No. The tantrums are gone. Yes, I know… I do…. No, I do not want to get back together. That is not what this is about…..  Yes, he is so much more confident since you came back…. (softens) You should see him on the playground. Remember that bully, Angel. Why is it that all the kids named Angel are bullies…? Yeah, right…. I think he’s actually afraid of Bobby now. I mean, Bobby’s gentle with him, but he just stands up for himself. Now Angel wants to be his friend… No… NO! We are NOT a family…. The problem?! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. It was embarrassing. I was afraid he was gonna call DCFS…. Would you just listen!? Yes. I did dress him in that motorcycle jacket you sent, although I hardly think it’s appropriate… Yes, Rachel.… Yes. Listen. So he’s sitting in the chair playing with the stethoscope when Doctor Thomas comes in …. Yes…. Cute? Dr. Thomas? I wouldn’t say cute… Alright. Handsome… Rugged..? Listen, will you..? Me? You think I’m cuter than him? Really? Well, thank - No! - listen! Stop! Will you just listen..? So Doctor Thomas touches Bobby on his nose and asks him, “So little man, what do you call this.” A Bobby looks up at him with that smile – the one that melts you? – Yes, it is my smile. Rachel, stop! I’m trying to tell you. And Bobby says, “That’s my nose, Dr. Thomas, you cocksucker...”  Rachel! Stop laughing! No, it wasn’t funny! Or cute…. Well, what could I say: “Well, at least he called you Doctor.”